I'm quite jealous of Oscar Wilde. I'm sure he must have had all manner of hangers-on who scuttled around him constantly, eagerly harvesting all his best quotes for posterity. I wish I had a little man to follow me round with a notebook. Because I can't possibly jot down all my own pithy nuggets for humankind. I'm far too busy. (And generally too drunk to wield a pencil when I say them. And too wieldy to drink a pencil when I don't.)
So would anyone out there like the job? Today, for example, you would have written down the following gems:
"Testicles are like diamonds. You can never have too many of them and when you have lots, it's lovely to plunge your hands into a bucket of them and feel them slipping over your outstretched fingers."
"I would name a girl after the place of conception, in the manner of pop stars' brats. So basically, Fallopia or possibly Endometria, depending on your precise definition of conception.
"It must be before 11, because my hand still smells of cock."
"Chuh! There'll be plenty time for monogamy when we're dead."
"Excuse me but your testicles appear to be eating my sandwich."
(It was an exceptionally good day for testicles quotes.)