Tuesday, 19 October 2010


I opened the envelope hesitantly and drew out the photographs, my heart beating in apprehension. I examined them for a few seconds, one by one.

"Is this it?" I asked, my voice rising in indignation.

"Yes," he said, "I photographed the whole thing. You had no idea I'd tailed you."

"And that's the best you can do...? You seriously expect me to pay you for these?"

He pushed his spectacles further up his nose and leered.

I went on: "Look, I'm sorry, but if you're going to try to blackmail me, I'll expect you to do a lot better that this. I mean, these are RUBBISH. I'm very disappointed. Not only is the framing total crap, but you can't even see anything happening. This could be anything - gnomes dancing round a mushroom - anything."

He blinked, started to laugh knowingly, then stopped abruptly.

"Alright, here's what we'll do," I continued, "Why don't you take this shot here that I took myself from inside the room. If you look closely, you'll notice that it's not only loads more incriminating but much more thoughtfully framed, too. I'll give it to you and then you can write me another menacing letter and let's see if you can blackmail me with this one. OK? Can't say fairer than that."